What worries kids?

What is it that worries kids in the 21st century and what should parents do about it?

In a recent survey of 2000 children’s fears and worries (undertaken by ABC TV’s children’s current affairs show BTN) it’s obvious that environmental issues are higher than ever before. The top 10 worries from the survey were as follow:

1. Friends or family dying
2. THE ENVIRONMENT
3. Family
4. What they look like
5. Losing or keeping friends
6. The future
7. Pets getting ill or dying
8. Getting a job in the future
9. Not having enough time to do anything
10. School

Parents would be wise to reflect on this list but the fact that something as intangible as ‘the environment’ ranked second highest anxiety is of real concern especially now that global warming is virtually an unchallenged prognosis. So how do we make this a constructive exercise without dooming and glooming the kids? Well there are now a lot of child friendly sites to help.

Feel free to check out the following:

The Power of Youth is Global

Planet Blue is a fun, safe and educational place for children, while learning what they can do to help Save Planet Blue.

Young children’s worries tend to centre more egocentrically – what is scary for them. So fear of animals, new experiences, swimming pools, parents upset, separation from parent etc are among their concerns. The environment isn’t, but they’re quick to pick up on good family habits and bad family feelings so do more of the former and watch the latter. So parents can set good habits such as shorter showers, reusing the kids’ bath water, turning off lights, air conditioning when not being used, changing to fluorescent lights, wearing an extra layer instead of heating etc and the kids will (maybe reluctantly) get the message.

In terms of dealing with their general fears here are a few skills to develop:

• Listen - ask your child if you are a good listener. You may be surprised. Some families play highs and lows; each person tells the best thing in their day and the worst thing and others listen or try to help with the low spots. But don’t have any deep and meaningfuls close to bedtime because it can leave the kids very upset and also be used for extra attention seeking.
• Self talk - fear is maintained in most anxiety sufferers through negative self talk, conjuring up the worst, catastrophising. Parents can retrain their children’s worries (and their own) to start a new habit of positive self talk (eg ‘I am going to be friendly to all the girls tomorrow and I know that one, maybe more will be nice back to me’).
• Modelling - parents may not be heard, but they are copied so make sure that you’re showing fearful kids how you beat your worries, so they copy your achievements, not your anxiety. You may be able to link your child up to other kids who’ve conquered the same worries so your child can copy them.
• Relaxation - sometimes this involves teaching kids how to just unwind; where little tight tummies may be an issue you might play a visualising game where the knots in the bottom of their tummy were like knotted tree roots; so you get them to visualise leaves dropping gently down and landing softly on those knots and feel them unwind.
• Exercise - for all fears the best idea is to work it off. This might mean just playing with friends, or bouncing a basketball, or jumping on a trampoline or riding a bike till the pent up fear is forced out of the body.
• Rewards - each time they’re able to think of a new way to help the environment then everyone claps and takes notice. Where the suggestion is not practical then generally kids will accept a brief explanation to that effect. There’s nothing like success to build kids’ self confidence.

As kids get older it’s important for them to develop, with school or home help, practical ways they can make a difference. At the school at which I consult, we’re developing an Environmental Committee to look at what practical things we can do such as recycling, limit on bubblers, mulching all garden beds. Each class will have a representative on that committee and report back on what their class is doing or could do. Kids can cope if they’re given a constructive way forward. 

Maybe chat to your kids about what’s going on at their school and how they can make a difference. It does wonders for morale and for the most endangered species of all, our children. 

by Dr John Irvine

Dr John Irvine is an educational psychologist, a consultant psychologist, a counsellor and a widely recognised specialist on children’s behaviour. He is the author of significant books for parents such as A Handbook for Happy Families and Who’d Be a Parent? His relaxed and warm advice deals with the practicalities of managing real families in everyday life.

This article was first published in Australian Family Magazine, May 2007. Updated July 2009.